Good morning Lucy.

I used to have a hard time when I would stay at my parents as well. We still have messy moments, but I find it much easier to navigate.

I can only tell you what helped me. And for me it was a lengthy process. Some things I tried didn’t work, some things just took time. And you’ll have to find what works for you.

In a way you can look on the visit as a bit of an experiment. What can you do to improve one part of it?

For me, I started working to reframe our visits. Instead of saying I felt anxious or dreaded it, I’d say I felt excited. Might not seem like much but reframing things is a powerful tool.

I also tried to meet my parents with curiosity. The things that made our relationship so hard. What made them like that? I would just turn it all into curiosity.
What made them have certain reactions or view things certain ways? Where did they learn this behavior or attitude, bad coping skills? Where might it have served them previously? Or perhaps their parents?
This practice is by far the most helpful for me when dealing with anyone difficult.

Some of the negativity typically revolved around my father insisting on bringing up politics and being unable to have a conversation, instead of simply stating his opinion.

So, if the news came on, that was an excellent time to walk around the house, down the street, or around the block.

Especially if there were places where I was able to pinpoint where these moments would arise. I would just try something til I found something that worked for me.

The thing is you can only work on yourself, not others. But in that work you can give yourself a lot of peace.

So, what can you do to keep the peace? To keep things light and fun? Is there a way to change subjects abruptly? Refocus conversations on things they like?

Remember not to take things personally. This is another practice, one that we have to beat into our heads. Nothing others do or say is about anyone other than themselves.

Stay curious. Don’t make assumptions. If you must, make only generous assumptions.

Do your best. You won’t always get it right, but keep trying.

Maybe do a little prep work before going. Journal your thoughts? List out things?
What can you do if you start feeling anxious?
If someone starts being negative?

That was so long, sorry for that. I hope there is something in there that may prove helpful to you.

I wish you a wonderful time with your family, with far more ups than downs. Big hugs and all the love to you, Lucy! 💛💛💛

If there is true abuse happening do not put yourself in that situation. After I left to live on my own, if I came home to visit and dad was drunk I got back in the car and drove the hour to get back home. I felt bad for my mom, but would always ask if she wanted to pack a bag and visit me for awhile. I couldn't save her, but I could keep myself safe.

Excellent posts, wRen and Karen.💖 Agree 100%

Each situation is different, but, I find myself avoiding toxic people, more and more.
Understandably, that can't always be done.

Best Wishes for All my Fibro Friends, to have a Safe and Peaceful Christmas season.🙏🎄💜

That’s so kind, Lucy. I think you are amazing too.

It’s not easy, but it does get easier. If it helps- know I’m in a different part of the world, at my Mama’s house, doing the very same thing. 🤗💛💜🥰

Sorry so many of you have difficult family situations, but, happy I'm not alone.

You can choose your friends...but, your family, nope, not happening.🙁

Honestly, I have friends and neighbors, I'm closer to, and rely on, rather than my toxic kin. It's much less stressful.👍😊

Ann