by Kacie Fleming

Chronic illness is many things. It is painful. It is expensive. It is confusing. It is heartbreaking. But one thing it is that I'm starting to realize just magnifies the longer you're sick is this: It is isolating. In many ways.

Socially

Many people with chronic illness are not able to hold a job outside the home, so any social interaction that would come with that is gone.

Further, those with chronic illness don't get to leave the house much, for things like grocery shopping, date nights, or anything, because they are not able. With so few spoons a day, being able to get out for anything besides doctor appointments is a luxury. This result is that the vast majority of their time spent alone. Yes, technological socialization helps, and is all a lot of us have. It can be both a priceless outlet and connector to those we love. But we all know it's not the same.

So you have the no-job thing giving you little reason to leave home and the so-few-spoons thing keeping you at home when you would otherwise go somewhere. Then add in any increased self-consciousness brought on by any abnormally visible proof of your invisible illness, say weight gain, skin issues, or hair loss, and you're really not going to be leaving the house much. I am typically home for weeks at a time.

And the longer this goes on, the more isolated you become.

Other things that are second-nature to the average person are often off-limits to those who are sick. Besides being able to leave the house, go shopping etc., such as going out to eat or simply eating the food served at a family get-together. Due to allergies and sensitivities, many foods that the average person would never think twice about eating become off-limits -- whether we like it or not. This means little to no trips to get fast food and precious few (if any) meals at restaurants. We frequently or always have to bring our own food to events -- you know, if we're even able to go -- and if there's a restaurant that offers enough options, we have to make multiple odd requests when ordering.

I have been surprised to notice that this can somehow be taken as an odd kind of arrogance when we say, "Oh, I can't eat that," when in reality it's just one more way we're trying to combat our illness and take care of our bodies. Saying no to a food does not mean you think you're too good for it or better than those who eat it -- it means either you're allergic to it, you know it's much better for your body to not have it, or that your body is so sick that you're lucky enough to have leaky gut syndrome, a condition where your intestines are so screwed up that they react like you're allergic to a food. Eating out or eating together as a family is a very common, enjoyable way people get together and socialize. It's something that is just part of American life -- and it's just one more normal experience rendered abnormal or nonexistent for those of us who are sick. And that is something that the average person just cannot understand, which leads me to the next way that chronic illness is isolating.

Experientially